Face Your Fears about Raising Teens

by Yafa Crane Luria

 

Face your fears about raising teens

What are you fears about raising teens?  Is it pregnancy or drug abuse?  Are you afraid your teen won’t get into college or that he/she will run away from home?  Do you obsess about whether your teen loves you or are you worried that you might not love him/her as much as you used to?

Whatever your fear, this exercise will release some of the load (keep doing it for more release) and reveal some stunning insights.

You are going to write out a conversation with your teen without him/her even being in the room. 

Here’s how it works:

With your dominant hand (if you’re right-handed, that’s your dominant hand) start the conversation and with your non-dominant hand (the other one!) answer as your teen.  You don’t have to think of the answers ahead of time – you know your teen well enough to know what they would say AND you will also be surprised and enlightened by what comes out!

Here’s an example written by someone who I was coaching:

P=Parent (dominant hand); T=Teen (non-dominant hand)

  • P=I’m afraid when you swear at me.  I never thought my child would say such malicious things to me.
  • T=It scares me too.
  • P=Why does it scare you?
  • T=I feel possessed.
  • P=What does that feel like?
  • T=I have too many feelings and I don’t know what to do with all of them.  It feels like I’m being swallowed up.
  • P=Do you feel like you’re losing yourself?
  • T=Yes.
  • P=Is the person who is swearing at me the REAL YOU or the YOU WHO IS OVERWHELMED?
  • T=The second one.  I just get really angry and scared.
  • P=What are you scared of?
  • T=Not being popular.
  • P=Are people being mean to you?
  • T=No.
  • P=What can I do to help you?
  • T=I don’t know.  Can you just keep being my mom even when I’m a b*tch?
  • P=Yes, of course.  I love you!  Does it help for me to do this writing?
  • T=I guess.
  • P=Do you mind if I continue writing?
  • T=No.
  • P=Just so I understand, you’re saying that when you swear at me it has nothing to do with me?  You’re just scared and angry?
  • T=Yes.
  • P=And all you need me to do is keep loving you?  Is that enough?
  • T=Yes, for now it’s enough.
  • P=Well, this is a relief!  Thank you for talking to me.  And I do love you!
  • T=OK, thanks mom.

Intense, right?

Your conversation will be uniquely yours so don’t worry if you don’t like what the above mom and daughter had to say!  And you can write for as long as you want, as often as you want.

What frightens YOU most about raising a teen? Just scroll down and share your thoughts in the comments section. I love, love, love hearing from you.

xo, Yafa

Copyright 2016 Yafa Luria/Margit Crane All Rights Reserved

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What troubles you about parenting an ADHD child or teen?

Let’s talk! No judgment, no salesy come-on. However you WILL receive a good deal of TLC and a slew of strategies. You can say anything. You can cry. You can swear. Your confidentiality is guaranteed, and I promise to listen and give you hope and relief. (You might even find yourself spontaneously doing a happy dance).

“Thank you Yafa. You’ve given me incredibly helpful tools! It was really a pleasure to speak with you. I’ll be back in touch in the coming weeks.” Stella R, Portland, OR.

“I really appreciate that I could be vulnerable and you didn’t shoot me down. I feel comfortable with you and your humor brightened the call.” Danielle A, Bellingham, WA.

“I talked with you a year ago, Yafa, and your voice is always in my head, guiding me. I just wanted to email and thank you.” April W, Queensland, Australia

“Thank you for your encouraging, enlightening suggestions.” Jill E, Seattle, WA.

Thank you for ‘being there’ to share your wealth of knowledge and personal experience with us who are ‘floundering’ and ‘lost in the forest’ when it comes to ‘dealing with special and difficult circumstances’. Gratefully yours, Rochelle H, Alberta, Canada xox ((((BIG HUGS)))

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